Berufsleben

Her words bounce between walls
Shreded rainbow confetti falls onto shoulders,
Heavy traffic piles on the highway.
She'll find her way with future closed.

Ten pounds gone and still no luck.
The bird is a directionless wonder,
It steps on places it has already been
Skipping the free seed to hunt a worm.

I never understood about the maheim
Tears pouring out of their almond eyes.
I looked out the window more than once,
Water-filled clouds were on the horizon.

Every morning coffee tastes pungent and murky,
My tongue invades my entire mouth,
Hand dropping the thimble-sized sugar spoon
That doesn't seem to fit into the bowl.

The yellow lilies are a stampede aftermath.
Decay wafts from a vacant place,
My back graces flaking, filthy brick
Vapor purchases a section in my nose.

Her waxy and immoble face appeared.
I was putting my foot in the mirror.
Light glimmered around her plastic lips.
Frantically looking, I ran further.

Working Mom..Ugh!

It’s amazing how an inanimate object can change your perspective on your life. My son receives a bi-monthly magazine called Playroom. It has all kinds of things in it like mazes, coloring, counting, short stories, and matching. He received one yesterday and of course he was excited. However, it made me begin to think about how we haven’t even had time to finish the last one. As a working, single mom, I have had no time to sit down with him and really practice. Now, we have done some of it and we read and talk about preschool type things all the time, but there is a craft I promised him we would make, a game to play, numbers to finish writing, and a picture to find out what’s missing. I am saddened by this. Why can’t I stay home and be a mom? I have shuffled him to daycare since he was six weeks old. Then, I get him home and I feel like he gets half my attention most of the time because I have to clean, cook, do yard work, fix everything, wash clothes, and the list goes on and on. Did I improve our life by buying a house? Yes, we have more room to play in and he loves his big room, but by doing this I have sacrificed more time from “our” time to do all of those things I mentioned. Sometimes I want to scream!

I am getting laid off I think in August (may go longer). Part of me is terrified I won’t ever find another job and not be able to afford our home. Another part of me is so excited because I finally get to be a mother who gives time and attention to her child. I will get to practice these things with him instead of asking grandma to do it. I will get to take him places and experience more things that are only available during my working hours. I think this part of me is bigger right now. Every day I go to work, I almost wish I would get my pink slip and it would be the last. Part of this may be the fact that I have worked here for 5 years and have not had a real vacation. Sure, an extended weekend here and there, but nothing substantial. Now that I wrote this, let’s see how I feel when I actually do have to deal with my kid 24/7. I’m sure it’s not all what I think it will be. I will write something like this again to give you an update. :)

Slipped Away

Chemistry lights the town on fire
Emits electricity between skin,
Salty yet sweet breathed in.

You made me instantly crazy.
With a simple sound of your voice,
Singing birds flutter without poise.

No worries where you're going
Only that you've been with me,
Reserved, yet dancing silently.

Wonderings of a similar place
Paths will connect once there,
Opening new affection to share.

Left a deep mark on my heart
Beating faster with imagination,
Beautiful memories, sweet fun.

Slipped away between fingers
Caught the knowledge left behind,
Knowing now what it is I want to find.