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Berufsleben

Her words bounce between walls
Shreded rainbow confetti falls onto shoulders,
Heavy traffic piles on the highway.
She'll find her way with future closed.

Ten pounds gone and still no luck.
The bird is a directionless wonder,
It steps on places it has already been
Skipping the free seed to hunt a worm.

I never understood about the maheim
Tears pouring out of their almond eyes.
I looked out the window more than once,
Water-filled clouds were on the horizon.

Every morning coffee tastes pungent and murky,
My tongue invades my entire mouth,
Hand dropping the thimble-sized sugar spoon
That doesn't seem to fit into the bowl.

The yellow lilies are a stampede aftermath.
Decay wafts from a vacant place,
My back graces flaking, filthy brick
Vapor purchases a section in my nose.

Her waxy and immoble face appeared.
I was putting my foot in the mirror.
Light glimmered around her plastic lips.
Frantically looking, I ran further.

Working Mom..Ugh!

It’s amazing how an inanimate object can change your perspective on your life. My son receives a bi-monthly magazine called Playroom. It has all kinds of things in it like mazes, coloring, counting, short stories, and matching. He received one yesterday and of course he was excited. However, it made me begin to think about how we haven’t even had time to finish the last one. As a working, single mom, I have had no time to sit down with him and really practice. Now, we have done some of it and we read and talk about preschool type things all the time, but there is a craft I promised him we would make, a game to play, numbers to finish writing, and a picture to find out what’s missing. I am saddened by this. Why can’t I stay home and be a mom? I have shuffled him to daycare since he was six weeks old. Then, I get him home and I feel like he gets half my attention most of the time because I have to clean, cook, do yard work, fix everything, wash clothes, and the list goes on and on. Did I improve our life by buying a house? Yes, we have more room to play in and he loves his big room, but by doing this I have sacrificed more time from “our” time to do all of those things I mentioned. Sometimes I want to scream!

I am getting laid off I think in August (may go longer). Part of me is terrified I won’t ever find another job and not be able to afford our home. Another part of me is so excited because I finally get to be a mother who gives time and attention to her child. I will get to practice these things with him instead of asking grandma to do it. I will get to take him places and experience more things that are only available during my working hours. I think this part of me is bigger right now. Every day I go to work, I almost wish I would get my pink slip and it would be the last. Part of this may be the fact that I have worked here for 5 years and have not had a real vacation. Sure, an extended weekend here and there, but nothing substantial. Now that I wrote this, let’s see how I feel when I actually do have to deal with my kid 24/7. I’m sure it’s not all what I think it will be. I will write something like this again to give you an update. :)

Slipped Away

Chemistry lights the town on fire
Emits electricity between skin,
Salty yet sweet breathed in.

You made me instantly crazy.
With a simple sound of your voice,
Singing birds flutter without poise.

No worries where you're going
Only that you've been with me,
Reserved, yet dancing silently.

Wonderings of a similar place
Paths will connect once there,
Opening new affection to share.

Left a deep mark on my heart
Beating faster with imagination,
Beautiful memories, sweet fun.

Slipped away between fingers
Caught the knowledge left behind,
Knowing now what it is I want to find.

A Peach

Adolescence happens only once

spinning out of control, carefree

far from the red wine cellar;

happy.

One day the clouds dip into view

fluffy and glue hardening white -

drawing a large map in pen;

enlightened.

It follows you quietly, like juice of

a peach seeps into your veins,

but electrified are you

before it molds on your shoulder.

Addiction

I unwillingly watch you walk down a dark path with your eyes closed.

You hurt everyone around you with no remorse.

Stealing and lying like breathing your daily air.

Something different has grown behind your eyes.

It looks evil and I cannot quite understand why.

The life behind them seems like a dimmed flame.

I know something is wrong but you say nothing.

I ask and you act annoyed by my words.

I am lost about what else to do to help you.

It's like trying to hold onto thread in a hurricane.

Just a slight grasp, but not enough to withstand the wind.

Sooner than I hoped, the thread disappears in the storm.

I wait for you to somehow return back to normal.

However any resemblance has been eroded into dust.

I secure to the only great thing you have left behind.

The day comes when you finally lose the fight.

My heart hurts even though I have not been in love for some time.

Comforted only by the darkness finally being lifted from your soul.

Goodbye, sweetheart. I let judgement free from my clasp.

Simply wondering if I will find our bond again without shadows.

Focused toward the bright horizon, I forcibly embrace hope.

Mustard, Please

I am not normally a fast food eating person. I usually save it for when I am running late or I simply am too exhausted from the work day to cook. With only me and a person half my size in the house, it seems we always have leftovers to heat up and have no reason to buy pre-cooked food in a bag. However, when my neighbor, who is currently out of a job, catches me outside to talk about what lack of work is out there (as if I didn’t know), I do not have enough time to eat my normal cereal. Starving on my way to work, I drove into the golden arches of McDonalds. Yes, not ever my first choice for food, but when it’s already the time I’m supposed to be at work and it is the one of the two establishments on the way, it became the choice to start my day.

I selected a sausage egg McMuffin off the menu. Sausage and egg breakfast sandwiches require mustard for me. It brings out the flavors and gives it a whole new experience. I asked for it to be put on the sandwich. Then a man’s voice comes over the lady taking my order and said, “I’ll put packets of it in the bag for you mam.” I believed this was an attempt to keep their pre-made food just that way, because if you change something they have to make a fresh sandwich. So, when I get to the window I ask why I had to have packets. The man said, “We only have dispensable mustard at 10:30AM when we start serving lunch.”

Really? How is McDonalds #1 in their industry and they don’t even offer condiments on your food until a lunch time that no one really eats lunch at? Are our children the only ones keeping the fast food chain alive? I mean all the toys that break immediately are great to them because they offer the latest characters. It doesn’t matter their food does not rot or they don’t have changing stations in all their restaurants despite their “family appeal.” Somehow they are still number one. Well, I think I have been reminded why I do not eat fast food. Maybe next time, I will look for leftovers in my fridge to take to work and heat up instead.